tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
