Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
