Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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