her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
