The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
