hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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