I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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