just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
