If i come over, it means nothing
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize