Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
