Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
