Only a mothe r could love this liver
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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