he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
