SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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