If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Randomize
