What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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