That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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