I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
