Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Randomize
