So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
