Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
