if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
why do cheetos always look like penises
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
