Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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