Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Randomize
