I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
