I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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