Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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