Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
