i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Fuck appropriateness.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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