Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Life is so much better after having sex.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
