I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
