At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
