what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
