So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
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