how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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