I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
