When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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