I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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