i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
