There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
