u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
