oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize