Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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