I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Enjoy the penises
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
