There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
How does one acquire holy water?
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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