There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
How's work?
Spinning.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Randomize
