You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
You've changed since you got that strap on
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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