i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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