I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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