So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
