Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Bring me that man meat
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
