Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
