Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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