Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
