Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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