Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
