went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
