I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
