I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
