I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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