Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Randomize
