I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
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