I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
