Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
