A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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