Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
