Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Randomize