bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
