Yo dont text me then not text me
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
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I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
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The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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