you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize
