somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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