dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Never underestimate the power of titties
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
